You're My Second Asian Friend

Leslie has become one of my fastest and deepest homies. She is a Trauma-informed Self Defense Coach, International Best-Selling Author and Speaker and what I appreciate so much about her is her depth of history, culture and socialization.

It's this depth that has inspired our podcast episode on how developing our friendship and building trust led to some beautiful dialogue around race and allyship.

Checkout Leslie's Instagram or work with her personally HERE.

In this episode, we'll cover:

• Making a case for how 'not knowing' creates opportunities for trust and vulnerability
• How self-hatred is profitable and abuseable
• The ways that racialized groups are pitied against each other and why us having honest convos is necessary to combat division
• How silence has been inherited as protection
• The one question to ask yourself if you're trying to make change in your life

This blog post includes the episode links and full transcription.

You can access the podcast episode HERE (available on Spotify, Google Podcasts and Apple Podcasts).

Want the transcription? Keep reading.

TRANSCRIPTION

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, feel, talking, love, asians, thinking, ways, shit, skinned, connect, friendship, conversation, asian, trauma, speak, gaslighting, curious, fuck, change, culture

SPEAKERS

Petra Vega, Leslie Lew

Leslie Lew  00:00

We're recording in progress. We got to cool it now two, gentlemen. Okay, I'm laughing because we literally have tried to record a podcast episode together a few times. And I was so tired and out of it, I didn't hit record. So we had a lot of meaningful conversations that went out into the universe. And they just weren't meant to be broadcast.

Petra Vega  00:34

They were for us. They were clearly for us. So we did that.

Leslie Lew  00:36

Yes. So we're shifting gears today. But I want to welcome my dear friend and guests, Petra, Petra, why don't you introduce yourself? And how do you identify who are you? How do you identify?

Petra Vega  00:53

What do you want to create in the world? Oh, I love that question. My name is Petra, I am a black, Puerto Rican, queer, cat, daddy, love my cat and spray part of me, I'm a Gemini, I'm what I want to create in the world. I want I want to help people who really have the desire and the vision to make change to think about and to feel change today. Like one of the ways that I described my work is that I help people lead from a place of liberation and not perfection. And part of my offering an invitation for people is one of the ways we can create freedom today, because it's very hard to move towards something that we may or may not be here for. But I want to help create, what's the freedom for today so that people can lead people better can do right by people, they can feel better in their own leadership and challenge the ways that shit goes down. And so my, the way that I am now going to start talking about it is that liberation is an inside job. And I want to be that partner for you.

Leslie Lew  01:58

And love that liberation is an inside job. And I think part of like, what we're going to be talking about today is part of that liberation, I feel like, because like I interact, so Petra and I have been together. For less than a year, we we met virtually, and I'm always interested in how forging community online or meeting people that under normal circumstances, like I would never meet is a beautiful thing. And as soon as I started talking to Petra as like, FX, would you and you're like to write, and so really developing this really amazing friendship. And I felt very safe early on, in, in authentically showing up. And, and for me authentically showing up as well, when I'm rageful and upset about something usually rooted in systems of oppression, and how that impacts marginalized communities. You know, you for you to be able to like hold that space and say that's valid, or you know, and and that that's okay, and to be gentle with yourself. And have you considered this, like, you're just like that ultimate partner. And so when I thought about today's episode, I think that it's really beautiful to illustrate, there was one point in the conversation kind of midway through a couple months in where you're like, I'm a little embarrassed, but I think you're my second. Second Edition friends second. Hmm.

Petra Vega  03:41

And you were like, but you live in New York. And I was like, No, but I grew up upstate, which is not like New York City. I lived in a really sheltered community. There's like 10 black people, including my family. And some like the statistics were against me, it was like, but I remember you were like, How could that be? And I was like, I don't know, Leslie. I don't know.

Leslie Lew  04:02

Yeah. And to me that opened up, like being from the San Francisco Bay area, like I don't, you know, I kind of just feel like, oh, yeah, like everyone has this ecosystem of Asian Americans around them. But you're like, No, that wasn't my experience. And so what do you think it was where you felt self safe to say, hey, I have a confession? Yeah.

Petra Vega  04:26

I think for me, I am I have, if you look at my business, I have like a few values around solidarity, care and rigor. But like, all of that encompasses for me around some radical transparency that I'm like, I'm going to tell you what the fuck is really up. Whether or not you feel a kind of way. I feel good enough to say that about like myself. And so it wasn't for me, I think like, one of the things particularly with the authenticity that you're talking about is that a lot of people carry shame with it, right? But I'm someone I was just talking to someone about this, like before I say something and I'm like, did I believe it? Did it feel true? But the time am I willing to stand by it? Even if I fucked up and I said something wrong? Or like I offended someone? Am I willing to stand by and be like, Yeah, I said that right? Then I'm gonna say it. And I just felt like in our relationship, I was like, you know, I feel and I usually like may ask you questions and be like, it's okay, if you don't want to respond. And I think at that point, I was like, I just want you to know, this is why I'm asking all the I don't know. And I'm someone that's like, I want to make sure that I do as much labor in terms of like educating myself and exposing myself to certain things. But I think there's a special, a special Avenue with friendships that you can have, depending on that state of that relationship. And so I remember that you and I kind of went off on our own having this conversation, and we're like, what about this thing? What about that? And I was like, Oh, shit. Yeah, I didn't, I hadn't thought about it that way. I did think about it that way. So I'm really grateful that we were able, I think both of us are open in that kind of way to be like, I don't know everything, and it's okay. I'm not expecting you to know everything. And also, I need you to be okay with like, if you do fuck up, I'm gonna let you know. I think we're both like that.

Leslie Lew  06:01

It's such those, those two key things of like, I don't know, is such a powerful statement for people to make, because even though I grew up in social activism, study a lot about race. There's a lot of shit, I don't know. And I will say, I don't know, what your experience is, like, being like, part Puerto Rican part black, right? Like, I am biracial, Asian. So I'm like, curious coming from a place of curiosity, which what you advocate for of like, I'm curious, like, what acceptance look like for you and your community, and kind of all these things. So saying, I don't know is really key. And then I think it's important that something that I've learned to admit to people is like, I've backed up and said, so many wrong things so many times to get into this place of fluidness today, but I still don't know. And so I am still intently asking questions, because I never want to assume, yep. So I'd rather ask how does that lead?

Petra Vega  07:15

For sure. And I think it's also that I think, you and I see those two as examples. And I think there's a third of those two is the options. And I think people see a third option is like, well, I will just do nothing. And I think for us, it's like, no, like some either one, either assume, and then we're gonna figure it out, or you're gonna ask and we're still gonna figure it out. But to to act is not an option for us, I think particularly because of like, the way that we lead with our values and our ethics and what we believe so strongly, that's like, we're action is required, and it's more so which action are you choosing here?

Leslie Lew  07:48

Yeah, and it's like, great to compare notes together. Because we might digest a show or a film, like everything all everywhere, all at once, right? And you have your appreciation for that movie, or whatever. And then me like, I go off on stuff. And I'm like, there's such a level of detail here that folks might not be aware of, right to depict this Chinese American experience, right? Like, I was like that, that that sewing kit on that shelf, or those boxes, Sky flake crackers is such an important detail in their home, for example, but I really like how we are able to compare notes because I, I go deep into history a lot. Because I'm like, well, there's 40 countries in the diaspora. We're not a monolith. Hmm, like, let me just be clear on what this means. And so I kind of tend to go really kind of deep into the micro aggressions that happen within the community, and the tensions, because I always have my sociology brain, like so just connect everything. I go pretty deep into it. And then I love how you're able to absorb that. And then you're like, I see intersection there. You know, Latin culture, for example. Such an amazing job of like, yeah, because we can take dark skin. I don't think that people really realize how much discrimination in Asian community because I was like, Well, my family are farmers, so they tend to be dark skinned. So they are viewed as an educated verse and then, you know, in certain parts of Asia, there's a tendency for certain skincare products to have bleaching agents. Yeah, to appear more white. And so I think that opened up a conversation. We started talking about in the heights as I was so mad because that was supposed to be I think, in Brooklyn or somewhere in New York and and then like all of them were skinny, light skinned. And folks, you know, like they're not representative teen of like Afro Caribbean different body types? Um, yeah. What do you think? Yeah, I

Petra Vega  10:12

mean, I remember that conversation just to see like, for me and I think this is where you and eyes analysis infrastructure, I guess like what is who's at the head of this monster? Like, what is the this is the live reality we're talking about. And then we have snapshots of like, what does it look like the media reflects live realities, but it's like, oh, we're both talking about white supremacy here and the ways that it has like ravaged the entire country, right. And so when I hear you talk about that your people with darker skin and we're farmers and I was like, Oh, those are my people, right that I would like go but we would call them campesinos, right that they would be on the land and we used to have like a farm and all this other stuff. I'm thinking about with like in the heights, it like that was supposed to be in Washington Heights, right? And that the flax and the I think the difficulty, I think you and I are always talking about that, like, oh, yeah, there is representation in some kind of way, right? Because there's pieces of this culture that you're depicting, but then if we start adding other positionality is right, other social identities if we're looking at not just ethnicity and culture, right, but we're looking about race and like, yeah, there were like, Fuck black people, or darker skinned people, right? If we're thinking about sexuality, there's no queer people. There's no non binary people, right? And so when we're just looking at like, who, who gets to say that they are about this culture, it is usually the whitest and the hetero s and the skinniest of the people. And we're like, we're not about that. We want an intersectional analysis that really includes it reflects the people that we're talking about. And for me, that just boggles my mind. And I'm like, How could How could this thing be existing in all of the worlds right and thinking about like, in, I'm sure it's happened in other countries, but for the Americans, and I met my first American, just so you know, you're not the first or the second, but like, I met my first Dominican friend in college, and it boggled my mind that her dad was, like, Y'all can't see. But you know, you know what, Mike looks like the darkness of a mic that her father was that skin tone and would swear up and down, I'm not black, right. But because of the tension and the history between the Dominican Republic in Haiti, that was the perception, right, and having a ruler that preach this whitening of the skin that is connected to the ways in which there's bleaching creams in Asia and all of these other places, right? And that goes like, always, I'm always looking at like, this is it, this isn't just here, right? And that's like, from my women's studies, education around the personal being political, right that like, if I hate my body, if I hate the way my hair is, it's not like, it's not me and my individual self hatred, but like, my self hatred is profitable, it's profitable. It's written in history, like, people can do stuff once I no longer have agency control, or say, over my self image over my self identity over my reality, like other people get to abuse

Leslie Lew  12:48

that. Yeah, yeah. And there's so many intersections with like, we, since you're talking about image, right, I was like, as a curvy Asian girl, there is so much fatphobia in Asia, and I can't find clothes for the life of me, or I think I get critical when people talk about representation and media, and they're like, it's progress. Right, like, but I think that you and I kind of have this shared like, I can be critical of it though, I can honor Me and celebrate it. Like when Crazy Rich Asians came out. I was so excited and deeply craving representation on the screen, because it had been 30 years since joy. But I when I when I critically analyzed it, I was like, but this, this is a story. But this is not typical. Most Asians are not rich, right? Like I come from, you know, in impoverished mentality struggling, right? And so this is a great snapshot, but this is representative of Malaysian Asians, Australian, Asians, Asians and Singapore. Singapore has the highest like per capita, like millionaires or whatever. So it's really important for me to say like, Okay, that's a story but like, where are the stories about immigrants in Asian appearing immigrants in America? So I get critical and people are like, well, it's representation will take whatever Yeah,

Petra Vega  14:33

I'm just gonna say that it's the it's the like, but we're getting crumbs and I was like, but there's a whole pie though. There's a whole pie. And I think I think it's also the we can we can appreciate for what it is right? But it doesn't mean that we're like, Yeah, this is good enough, which is what also that we're socialized and we're taught to do. We're like, we're we gave you a block and I was like, but you have a million like doesn't seem equitable.

Leslie Lew  15:00

Yeah, yeah. And I wanted to ask you this, because it's something that comes up for me a lot, because I'm very vocal in my work about ally ship and talking about the patriarchy and talking about systems of oppression, when people of the same of your same race, make statements like, you know, not everything's about race. How do you respond in that moment?

Petra Vega  15:30

Yeah. I mean, honestly, and this might, I mean, might be good, or might be bad, but I, I'm not talking to those people. Like, I think it's also kind of like, and you know, this is an entrepreneur, it's thinking about, like, Who Who do you want to be talking to, and I know, that is a an important stage of development for folks that in our pursuit of justice, we need to have conversations about. But I think that I always as a social worker, right. And I know, as both of us that are trauma informed, I always think about what are the ways that we believe or see things that are a protective measure, right. And so for someone to believe that race or racism does not exist, must benefit someone in some kind of way. Right? And I for me, I just always wonder, like, oh, but is that really? Is that really doing the job? You think it is? Right? That I imagine some people it's like, oh, but then I can see people as who they are, but I'm like, who they are, is brown is queer, like all the things that you're saying you want to see them for that are outside of these things? They are though, you know,

Leslie Lew  16:40

yeah, I noticed that the more I kind of stepped into being very vocal about Asian theme, and talking about race, because I'm like, we literally are dying by existing. Yeah, whenever people have made that statement of, well, it's not everything's about race. I always felt like doing the right hook back to their chin, which it's your ability to say that is a form of privilege. Yeah.

Petra Vega  17:10

And gaslighting like, I've just like, I think there's so many moments that even this might be in opposition to what I said before, right? That I'm like, action is important, but like doing that to say everything that I'm just what are people supposed to do with a question like that? But I think often I think it's different if you again, in a friendship, right? Like, maybe you have a friend that you folks with, and you're like, maybe you haven't talked about race, which is like, not my friends, that's one of the first things we were talking about. Because that, that there decides, like, what kind of conversations we're gonna have, just by the virtue of how I am, it's gonna show up. And if you, you can't rock out with it, that's fine. But I don't, I don't want to marry you, like friendship wise.

Leslie Lew  17:50

Or I don't buy it. Like, if you are a person of color, and you tell you tell me you've never experienced a microaggression or anything racist? I would say that you're lying, or that there is some deep work that needs to have around an awareness that Well, you probably did. But there is a lens in which you chose to, like, look at things to protect yourself. And that's okay. But just acknowledged the racism was always there. Mm hmm. Right. And that's why I love our talk around friendship, because it's allowed me to ask the dumb questions. You know, and for you to ask me the questions. I think one night I went off about North Korea, because you're, you're like, I don't know how this question is gonna come across. But see, this is what I liked about it. Right? So we open rather than like, making you feel dumb about it, but I like that's a valid question. I've actually asked that around communism, is it good? Yeah. And and

Petra Vega  19:00

I think it's also like, again, like, I tried them and he was like, you couldn't respond or not respond take as much time as you need? I can I really drive sales like I can Google like a totally google it and do the homework. But also, I think, particularly when you want to have the critical lens of these conversations, you're gonna get the whitewash shit that you learned about in history school and class. And so then you have to dig through and be like, Okay, what is an accurate source? And like, what is accurate me? And then I'm like, I could just talk to someone who's knowledgeable and who is willing to if they want to spend some time to educate me because I would do you that solid? If you had a question about my culture, be like, oh, yeah, let me let me put you on that. Because again, I think like, That's friendship. I don't want you out there in the world not knowing stuff that you that you are curious about, and like, you might ask someone else and they might be like, Fuck you when I could just answer the thing for you, but we're friends and so that there's a place for that.

Leslie Lew  19:54

Right? There is a place for that and I think it's so great for me to be able to say I you You don't have to be Asian, to understand that a lot of the trauma and intergenerational trauma experience stems from roots of war and colonization. So when you know when I speak to you, it's like that common thread of like, oh, yeah, no, that that's sent from colonization. This is why there there was a lot of tension with Japanese and Koreans. And that's 50 year beef. Yeah,

Petra Vega  20:38

I think particularly, it's an opportunity. I think I I, the way that I learned about it, right, I think this is one of the ways that like, we have some intra racial ethnic beef is is there certain preconceptions that I've been socialized with, right? And so the stereotype that I grew up with, it's like, oh, Asians are always together. Like, they're always doing stuff together, and all this other stuff. And I remember you and I had this Congress, he was like, that's not true about like, we have this as much policy as anyone else. But I'm like, even how does that even become a thought that we have? It's like, oh, no, we don't have together as whatever group it is, but everyone else is together. And like that, how does that that functions in a particular kind of way to be like to see ourselves as a problem, but other we need to look to other people. And there's particular people particular cultures that we look to is like, well, but look, they have they're so advanced, everything comes from this

Leslie Lew  21:30

place. So interesting. Because yeah, as soon as you said that, as I Oh, yeah, I guess the perception is that oh, man, Asians Roll Deep in I don't know if that comes from middle school or high school, and they're just like, uh, you know, and I think that sometimes people have a perception that because of the large groups that there's unification, and so when you and I were talking about that, I'm like, Yeah, but you could still be surrounded by a group of your peoples but still feel isolated, and not in solidarity.

Petra Vega  22:04

Which, for me, I like so identified with that, right as being like, the most, I have the most African phenotypes in my family where I have this kinky hair, and I have this nose and I have these lips in this kind of way. And so I've never looked, it's like my, even though I'm like, very, very light skinned. Clearly, when you look at me, there's some racial ambiguity. And I had to grapple with that to be like, what what is that about? Right? And that that's coming from my African centeredness? And so having this idea around like, oh, yeah, I'm Puerto Rican. But I had to look like most of y'all. And I also don't look like most of y'all. And then when we add, I don't know that we talked about language too. But that's an other. Whether you have it or don't have that either, you get to belong, and you get to fit into whatever it means to be part of this culture in that, like, I speak Spanish, but like, Don't fucking have me talking all day long. I can't hang in that kind of way. And so my Puerto Rican, this gets challenged in that way as to because of this language piece.

Leslie Lew  22:58

Oh, wow. Yeah. And what you're speaking to too, in terms of your look is exotic, the exoticism, yes. Which we know, Asian men can identify with. Yeah. Right. And that perception, and I love your pieces of writing and stuff you do, and even your email, in your weekly emails, but you talk about your childhood and kind of the narrative of just just like to be put in your place and to not say anything. Like, can you more about that? Because obviously, that resonates with me a lot, as an Asian woman in reclaiming our voice, like, what was it like for you to be this vocal, young person in your family?

Petra Vega  23:48

I had a I think there was a few weeks ago that I had made the connection that some people look at me, and I think this is like, another thing that we thought about for this conversation was like, people like, Oh, you're out here. Like I just talked to my friend earlier. She's like, how are you? I haven't seen him so long. She's like, Well, I see you because you know, you're all over my newsfeed. My little scroll thing. But she's like, how are you? Right? It was like, Well, I'm on the internet. And I'm like, talking to people and I'm sharing what I have. And I'm trying to be a good steward of my work, and that people may see that from the front. I know this is your story too. But you like you have no idea how many decades and energy and like time and skills it took to get to be the kind of person that can like show up and share an offer and be willing to fuck up in public. And I share that the story around like, how I grew up being like, I've always been a crybaby and I'm still a cry baby, right. But when I was younger, I was taught particularly as a girl, it'd be like, Oh, it's too much. It's too much like it's too much all this crying is so emotional. And then emotions are bad, but I'm like, oh, emotions are what allowed me to connect with people. It's the ways in which I can feel what people are saying underneath what they're saying. Like if I wasn't connected with the stream that is the the waters beneath my feet. A whole, like, I could not connect with people in that kind of way. And then also just being like a kid, right? And just being like, well, you're adults are talking, you don't get to talk, right. And I think some kids break out of that. And I've always been as I was older, I think what's interesting, and I'm curious if this is your story, too. But even I was told all of these things I always had spurts of like, but that's wrong, that I always had like a really strong justice bone in my body around like, that's my stuff. You shouldn't talk to people like that. I've seen some wildly problematic shit in my family that I called out and of course, got reprimanded for but always I had that piece of it. It's like, that's wrong, though. Like, you can try to quiet me down and say that it doesn't matter. And it wasn't until I got to college. And I was like, Oh, now I can connect the dots, right? Where I'm like, looking at the stars in the universe, and they aren't isolated incidents. They're like, all connected to the systems and, but who benefits when we don't believe in our voice and who controls our self image like I was sharing before. And for me, I'm just like, people know about this. Like, it's not like that was just such a realization for me. And now I just can't shut the fuck up about it. Because I'm like, people need to know people need to know because that was such a liberator for me. And like, the last thing I'll say about this, and I'm curious, what you have to say is that, um, people always comment, like, how have like words for everything. And I'm like, because language is power, right? Like, it mean, when someone named colonization, white supremacy, like, these words didn't like these words didn't exist, at some point someone someone's give them name to it, so that in 2023, we can have a conversation and say, this has words and there's connections till we can find pictures and documentaries and information like that this feels like a gift from the past that they someone thought was like, it's really important for us to name gaslighting and catcalling. And toxic mess, like someone was like, this hasn't has a name, people need to know it so that people can keep changing it. And so this is why I'm like, I got words for everything.

Leslie Lew  26:58

Everything. Oh, interesting, because I was at an event last night moderating this discussion. And my friend, Christina veau, the author made a really great analogy around introjection, intergenerational trauma, and point and we had a really great discussion about the gap between our generation and our parents in this current generation, in huge gap, because of their experiences with war and their lack of language around and just not having this means of communication, but the generation that has come after us, and because of the internet. And this is what instills hope is that because we have the resources now, because we have the language, that gap is now smaller. So there is opportunity to break intergenerational patterns. And what I realized yesterday is that we talk a lot about amplifying stories and Amplifying Voices. But I, I always have to come back to the why. And I'm like, we have to break these generational patterns. Because we know that biologically, in you know, in our neurological brain chemistry, physically, that there is an impact to intergenerational trauma. That's why we're doing this. Someone was talking about, yeah, I've never talked to my parents about the Vietnam War or their place in it. But I felt certain things in my body. Every time I watched a war or whatever. And, you know, I just pointed out that that's part of the trauma being transferred. Yeah. Right. So when we're, when we're throwing out jargon, we have to be very mindful as to like, why, why are we saying it's important to amplify the voices? And for me, it always stems from the trauma and the complex, PTSD and trauma associated with intergenerational trauma.

Petra Vega  29:17

Yeah. And what can change when you do name it right, because part of trauma too, is that we're like, we're not going to talk about it. It didn't exist. It didn't happen. It's been under the rug. But by giving it name to it by giving it language to it's like, it's, it's in the air. It's in the what are we doing with it? It's right here. It doesn't get to hide anymore.

Leslie Lew  29:35

Yeah, and as you were talking earlier, like something that really resonated with me or like you, you were told you don't get to talk. And so I'm curious as to like, what does that what would be the implications if you did, because for me, I was always told to not speak up and that's very different from you don't get along. I'm like, it's very like don't speak up. Don't talk back. Don't be disrespectful. And the bigger implication is, don't don't bring any bad luck or bring any shame to us, like, you're going to say something to fuck us up. And then we're going to have to take that into the afterlife. So what is that like for? For you culturally? Like where you think the you don't get to talk is really like fearful of it.

Petra Vega  30:27

Yeah. When you told me that I was like, Damn the Wonder. So that makes a lot of sense. And oh, my, then you have to do some stuff on the spiritual plane. I think I think part of it is coming from, I think from like, a racial and cultural analysis is this idea that like, Oh, if we large, right, not just me, right? But if we don't make a peep, and like, oh, people can't target us people can't say things about us. Like, if we just hide that we're not going to be bothered, right. And I also think about just this, like, what black kids are told that I'm like, You need to be twice as good, right? And it's twice as good. Maybe like, don't don't act like those kids. Like I always think about, like, who are the people that get us really mad. And I was talking to someone a few weeks ago about how they get really irritated by little black girls on the train. And I'm like, Why? Because you see the vitality, they don't give a damn. But you get so many dams you are trying to perform and show up in such a composed and a quote unquote, professional kind of way. They don't give a damn, what what gets you about that, right? And I think about both of these things like what? What do we feel when people do speak up? When they speak at all? Right? We feel a kind of way to be like, I could never do that. Or I don't want to do that. Or why did they get to do that? Right? That all that stuff was around restriction? And like, how will you want to say most I'm certain, but there's something preventing you from doing that. And so I think, for me, it was mostly like, it was around being disrespectful, is around like, don't, don't let people look at you, which also I had to work through as a business owner to be like, Look at me, not just I have a voice but like, look at me and all of these channels. And that I I get to take up space, which I know is a big part of what you talk about.

Leslie Lew  32:07

Yeah, and as we're kind of wrapping up here, I want to give you an opportunity to tell people like what you want to invite them into. But I have one question before we get to that. Because you talked about Yeah, from an early age, I've always had that fighting spirit of like, This is wrong or like this justice. What would you say to an adult who's listening to this, who they didn't have that strong sense, growing up, but they're starting to feel these things now? What would you say to someone who, they're morphine and they're changing, and they want to start to say something now. But they're they're grappling with that.

Petra Vega  32:59

I part of my work, and what I've really tried to do with people is really fit the ways that people naturally change. And so for this person that is morphing into kind of shifting into a new identity, I would invite them to think about what are the ways that you've made a change like this one before, it's I'll give you like a two examples that I'm thinking about for me. I've always been someone who writes a lot. And so I knew when I was trying to go from someone who was really apprehensive, who's really felt self conscious, I won't say self aware, but self conscious, just like really thinking about my own stuff, and wanting to come into someone who now I'm like, I would describe myself as a disrupter, right? I shake shit up, and I help people think in a different kind of way. And the thing that got me as a writer was that I love me like a quote in an affirmation, like, I don't know how haven't dropped one already, but I like love them. And so the thing that got me talking on a more consistent basis that I'm like, it's small changes, it's little stuff. But as a writer, there's this quote that I found that said, speak even when your waist quivers. And as someone who's always been a crybaby, they want to care about something, I'm gonna sound like I'm crying. That was the perfect quote for me to be like, however, it comes out, it comes out. But I needed that to be aligned in some kind of way where someone else might have been like, oh, go to toastmasters go to public speaking, that she would have not worked for me. And so thinking about for someone else, I was working with a client at a previous job that she had to make a decision, right? And so this is similarly you need to shift into something decision making. And this person was a spiritual person. And so here I was thinking about like, okay, let's make a pros cons list and figure out what we need to decide. And that really didn't help us get any more clarity. And then I was like, Wait a minute. As a coach, I need to tap into your own capabilities. How do you normally make change? How do you make decisions and she was like, why go pray and like you need to go pray. And so just want to invite this person like however it is that you normally do things, whatever is your normal style, maybe it's something that you used to do. Use that to help you morph into the To the person to speak to say the thing that you want to say, you something that you've already been using, because that's gonna be your strength.

Leslie Lew  35:06

Yeah, I love that. I think that, you know, just get that shit out. And as someone who strongly believes in the power of Cymatics and releasing shit out of your body, I kind of take a little bit more of an extreme. I love your thoughtfulness and

Petra Vega  35:24

this time around the podcast, people can get what they want.

Leslie Lew  35:29

Because I kind of drawn to this ancestral strength, right? I'm like, let's turn, let's disrupt some shit. Because we have this visceral responses, you're feeling something, there's a bigger price to pay by not speaking up, then they're speaking up, which is kind of merriment to like what you're saying is like speak even if your voice quivers, because I'm letting me if you don't speak up, it manifests in so many ways that are making you sick, yay, physically sick. It manifests into anxiety, puts you in hyperdrive, burnout, all this other stuff. And what I encourage people to do is, what's the fear? Hmm. Right, and because like, you're to your point, not a lot of people want to change, and you're like, Well, what have you done previously, that has worked for you, too, that, for me is like, yeah, we can't really dance around what we're afraid of, we actually need to go into the pain and use that to propel us. Right? So it's, like, steal it, and use that, to propel yourself to stand in your power. Because, you know, and so that's why I love like, every time we talk about stuff, I'm like, it's so blending. Trump, how we're going to have all your links and stuff in the show notes. But is there anything specific coming up for you that you want to invite people into if they really are feeling and wanting to engage in your work? Yeah,

Petra Vega  37:05

I would invite people I do a quarterly play shop around shaping chains. And if you're curious if you're interested about the ways that I've talked about change, about the ways that history is coming into it and lived experience and you give a shit about the world, it is happening June 6, something like that. I don't know it said an afternoon time on the ET time. Hit me up on Instagram at create more possibilities and you'll have the links but I invite you to come play with change if you're a tantalized by this conversation. I would love to help you get playful with

Leslie Lew  37:37

change. Yes, well, thanks so much, Petra. Thank you